Riana's Cavatina (Sonata of Love Book 2) Page 13

  I refilled my mitt more often than usual with soap to get him clean. The amount of filth he was covered in a clear indication of his neglect. As he was scrubbed down, more and more scars appeared, and my heart broke further. Fresher wounds bled some as the dried scabbing softened, loosened, and fell off. I rinsed him quickly when this would occur, not wanting any soap to sting and further irritate him. I likely scrubbed him down three or four times before I was satisfied with his cleanliness. I rinsed him out, applied ointment to his newer wounds, and then brushed him out with a soft brush.

  “Oh my goodness Adonis, look at you.” I toweled his face and as his eye remained locked on me I leaned in and kissed his nose. “You’re so handsome.” I whispered.

  I rubbed his ear as I continued to whisper, “I know they hurt you, and I know some might think that your scars make you ugly but don’t you ever listen to them. You are strong and beautiful and you aren’t a bad horse. You’re a good boy, Adonis. You’re my good boy.” Suddenly a sob broke through me and I tightened my embrace around him. “Your scars make you beautiful…Maybe my scars make me beautiful too.” I remained wrapped around Adonis’ neck until an uncertain cough echoed in the barn.

  “Riana?”

  “Oh! Phil!” I released Adonis’ neck and patted his side as I wiped tears from my face and turned to Phil.

  “Is that—is that Adonis?”

  I stepped down from my step stool and grinned proudly. “Indeed it is. He cleans up nicely, huh?”

  “And you were hugging him!”

  His astonishment was more than apparent. “Yeah, we’re um, we’re making some progress.”

  “I’d say!” He laughed. “Well, congratulations Riana. You think you made enough progress that we can do his feet without incident?”

  I laughed, “Now, let’s not be getting all crazy. I’m sure he’ll still give you a run for your money.”

  Phil set down his tool box and tightened his apron, “Alright then, let’s get to it.”

  I remained in front of Adonis while Phil got into position. “Okay Adonis, I know you can be a good boy. Be a good boy for Phil. Remember, we have treats for after this.” I kept a hold of his cross-tie with my left hand as I continually rubbed his cheek with my right hand. His gaze was soft on me, but the way his ears were pinned I knew he was not at all relaxed with Phil.

  I looked down at the grasp Phil had on Adonis’ leg as he nestled his pastern between his knees. “Phil, be gentle with his knees and cannon, he’s got some wounds that are still a bit tender.” Phil wiped his forehead with his shoulder and nodded.

  Adonis’ ears relaxed some as Phil shifted his position to cater to my request of gentler treatment. “There you go baby boy.”

  Phil finished in record time—well, record time for Adonis anyway, still a concerted effort in comparison to the rest of my herd. He even stood to receive a hasty pat from Phil before I unclipped him and brought him to a fresh stall. “You’re gonna sleep inside tonight Adonis. You have to get used to the good life.”

  “You’re very patient with him.” Phil said as we both stood outside Adonis’ stall. “A lot of people would have given up on him by now.”

  I swallowed thickly. “I know.” I smiled softly. “He’ll be worth it though.”

  “Anything worth having is worth the time and effort.”

  After Phil was off the property I ran into the house, gathered up my sleeping bag, travel lantern, notebook, and pen and went back to the stable. I pushed open the door and Adonis gave a startled snort. “Oh, you didn’t think I’d let you sleep in here all alone, did you?” I arranged four bales of hay and set up my sleeping bag right under his stall door.

  I continued to camp out with Adonis for days on end. I read aloud to him as I worked on my memoir and ran ideas by him for a fiction series. I sang to him as I mucked out stalls and filled water and feed buckets, and he’d nicker and sigh contently. I could tell that even though he was still apprehensive about approaching me on his own, or having too much affection put on him, that we would be inseparable.

  Adonis allowed me to lead him back and forth from the stable to the pasture, groom him, and tolerated having his feet done by Phil. But I still couldn’t convince him to come to me. By September I started to put him out to pasture with the rest of the herd in hopes that their bond with me might encourage him to trust me a bit more. By the end of September Adonis made it clear that he did not want to be left behind when I rode Sonny, so I hooked a lead to his halter and brought him along.

  Also by the end of September I felt that my memoir was complete—at least the rough draft was. Lexi had been allowed to see it as I went, but literally squealed with excitement when I told her it was finished and I needed her to go through and work her magic on it.

  “I’m so freaking proud of you Riana, you have no idea!”

  I sat on the fence of the pasture as I held the phone to my ear. “It wasn’t easy, but I’m really glad I wrote it.”

  “You’re going to publish it, right?”

  “Woah, hold on there Sparky. Publish it?”

  “Absolutely! You should start looking at agents to pitch while I proofread and edit the book. With your way with words, and your public speaking on the very thing you write about—it’s a damn no brainer for an agent to take you on!”

  Her excitement was contagious, and her belief in me frequently led me believe that maybe I could be as successful as she believed I could be. She and Sam always encouraged me to take on more opportunities to share my story, and thought that I was meant to break the silence and stigma around sexual violence. They frequently reminded me that not everyone was able to articulate the trauma and healing like I could. They’d say, “You were given a gift, Ri.” They may have actually been right.

  “Yeah, you know, I think I will.” I agreed as excitement crept into my soul as well.

  “Wow Ri, think of all the lives you’ll change when this gets out to the world.”

  Lexi and Sam had everlasting faith in me. They watched me go through some of my most difficult years, and helped me come out on the other side. Sam and Lexi kept me focused and moving forward while I struggled to find balance between Ryan, my healing, my speaking and writing, and my progress with Adonis. Per Lexi’s encouragement I gathered an impressive list of agents I wanted to query with my memoir and started the daunting task of submitting my work to them. It took me more than a month to query everyone, and then I was left to wait. I’ve never waited well, lacked the patience for it. I became fidgety as I awaited what I assumed would be endless rejection letters.

  Ryan was avoiding my calls again so any chance to be distracted by a trip back to Minnesota was lost. I started to dabble in the area of the fiction series that bounced around in my head, but the anxiety of being turned down kept overtaking me.

  I pulled myself up to sit on the top rung of the pasture fence and huffed loudly. Half the herd was inside the stable, but Chester, Lilo, Daisy, and Adonis were outside. I was practically ignored by Daisy and Lilo, but Chester and Adonis took note of my arrival. As Chester turned and moseyed towards me Adonis’ head perked up and he, too, began a slow trek in my direction. As Chester got to where I sat, Adonis paused about half a length behind him.

  “Hey Chester.” I greeted. I rubbed between his nostrils and grinned over at Adonis.

  “Hey handsome. Whatcha doing so far away?” I teased. Adonis tossed his head before he took a couple steps forward. I raised my eyebrows towards Chester in excitement. “That’s a good boy Adonis, come on.”

  He took two more steps, and shouldered into Chester, causing Chester to move aside as Adonis took the spot in front of me. He brought his exceptionally large head to side of my face before he nudged me. I brought my hands up to either side of his face and rubbed them gently down his neck. “Well, Adonis, it only took you five months, but I’m so glad you finally came over.”

  Once Adonis regularly came to me of his own accord, I contacted my favorite trainer to help me get Adonis s
tarted under saddle. It seemed my ranch hands had been talking because Ian was none too thrilled to hear from me in regards to Adonis. I paced in my foyer as I tried to convince him to at least come over and meet Adonis.

  “Ian, please. You know you’re the only one I’d ever trust to help me and if you won’t then I’ll have to train him myself.”

  Ian’s laughter was hearty before he replied, “Riana, my dear, you’ve got to be kidding.”

  “Absolutely not, Ian. He trusts me now, we’ll make it work.”

  There was a long sigh before Ian gave in. “I’ll come by and meet him. But no promises Riana.” I agreed, though I knew that once he saw Adonis and how sweet he was, he’d submit to my request that he help us.

  Ian agreed to work with me and Adonis, but only after he saw how much Adonis already trusted me. The rumors he had heard were about Adonis in his earliest days, and seeing him come to me willfully convinced him that the uneasy horse showed potential. Ian offered to take Adonis to work with him at his place, but I refused. Adonis needed me there, to know that I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him. I promised him, and I made sure my promise was upheld.

  “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Ian.” I said as I led Adonis out to the smallest corral I had. “It’s that Adonis doesn’t know if he can trust you, and I promised him I’d look out for him.”

  “I’m sure he appreciates it, Riana.”

  I smiled softly as I halted Adonis and gave him a rub. “We’ve been working on the bit, he’s doing pretty well.” I said.

  “Perfect, let’s see it.”

  As Ian and I continued to work with Adonis I forgot I had countless queries out to literary agents. That is, until I took some time to video chat with Sam and Lexi. I excitedly told them how well Adonis was doing, and how I was sure that by the New Year I’d be riding him.

  “I can’t wait to get back there and see how well he’s doing.” Sam said.

  “And I can’t wait to hear all about your trip to the site in New Guinea. Seriously, so cool that you’re starting actual excavations.”

  “Ri, have you heard anything?”

  I scrunched my face as I tried to figure out what Lexi referred to. “Anything from?”

  “The agents?”

  “Oh!”

  “Wait, what agents?” Sam asked.

  I bit my lip and pulled my labret barbell under my teeth. “Oh, I may have forgotten to mention…”

  “Riana sent queries to literary agents for her memoir.” Lexi said proudly.

  “What!? Riana that’s awesome! So have you? Heard anything yet?”

  I grabbed a wine glass and poured a sweet red into it. “I actually, um, haven’t checked in the last week or so. Been busy with Adonis. I had gotten a few ‘thanks but no thanks’ last week and I just, I don’t know, didn’t want to see more of them in my inbox.”

  “Ri, honey, it’s a numbers game. And it’s all subjective.”

  “Sam’s right. People are going to pass for any number of reasons, but it’s not because it’s not good or worthy of being published. It’s really a work of art Ri, someone is going to want it.”

  “Alright, well since I have you both with me—sort of—let’s go check some email.” I grabbed my glass and made my way to the office. As I spun my vertical labret barbell in my lip I couldn’t help but notice how my lips and mouth were as dry as my pastures in the late fall. I released a long breath as I sat at my desk and turned on my laptop.

  I opened up my email exchange and sorted through, “Hmm, junk, junk, ooh coupons, update from Healing Hearts, junk. Oh here we go,” I opened a response from a local Arizona agency. “Lovely. Form rejection.”

  “One out of how many?” Sam asked. “Keep going. Remember, number game.”

  I continued to scroll through. I found three more form rejections, a couple personalized rejections and then— “Holy shit.” My hand trembled as I brought it up to my mouth.

  “What?” Both Lexi and Sam demanded.

  “An agent wants to arrange a phone meeting with me.”

  “That’s fantastic!”

  And that agent wasn’t the only one interested. As I sorted through more email I found a couple more declines, but four more agents expressed great interest in the memoir and in representing me. “I can’t believe this.” I said softly.

  Sam grinned, “I can.” She said simply.

  “Same.” Lexi agreed. “Ri, I told you that you could do this.”

  “Wow.” I shook my head lightly as I continued to reread the requests for meetings and phone calls. My tongue gained some resemblance of moisture back and I licked my lips quickly before I turned my attention back to my two best friends. “I guess, um, I guess I have some emails to respond to.”

  Sam’s giggle was filled with delight. “Indeed you do miss author.”

  We ended our video call and I took a deep breath as I fought to steady my shaking hands. I brought my wine glass to my lips and finished it in two large swallows in hopes that the fruity alcohol would ease the tightening in my chest. I hadn’t said anything to Lexi and Sam, but the agent I had wanted most was one that had requested a phone meeting with me. She was based out of Chicago, and worked with some of my favorite feminist authors. Ally Friedman.

  My fingers barely danced along the surface of my keyboard as I contemplated how to respond to such beautiful messages. I started with the less intimidating agents—if there was such a thing!

  Movement Eight

  Once I processed through the follow-ups with interested agents, I turned my attention to continuing to work on Adonis’ training. He took to the bridle and bit quite well, and even stood steady to be saddled, but he resisted Ian on lunging; he didn’t care for it at all. I stayed with Ian as he worked with Adonis, but as the holidays came up Ian had told me that he’d be out of town for the next month.

  “Don’t do anything stupid Riana.”

  “Ian, why would you ever think I’d do something stupid?”

  “You love that horse, anyone can easily see that. But you need to put your safety first, okay? He hasn’t taken to lunging yet, so I wouldn’t dare put a rider on him—especially you.”

  I shook my head at him and assured him that I wouldn’t do anything stupid.

  Because working independently with a horse that wasn’t started yet wasn’t stupid, right?

  “Hey handsome.” I said happily as I entered the stable a few days later.

  Adonis stepped to the front of his stall and gave a short nicker. I had been starting to balance my weight on him when we were alone, and he’d taken so well to it, that I was sure that he’d be fine. I opened his stall and clipped the cross ties to his halter. “We’re gonna try something today, okay?”

  I started our usual routine by brushing him out, then I grabbed his tack. His gaze remained steady and relaxed on me. I smiled softly as I rubbed his nose. I undid his halter and looped it around his neck to keep him where I wanted him as I slid his bridle over his face. “Yeah, that’s a good boy.” I gave only enough pressure on the bars of his jaw to get him to open and accept the bit. I pulled his long, wavy, fetlock through the brow band and smoothed it down.

  I ran my hand down his neck and along his back before I grabbed his saddle pad. He had done so well with the pad and the roller that I was comfortable through the process of setting his pad along his back and bringing the saddle out. Adonis’ ears gave away his slight uneasiness.

  “Shh, now buddy, it’s okay. It’s just me and you, alright?” I shook my head a bit. “Ian would kill me if he knew I was doing this alone.” I gently placed the saddle on Adonis’ back and stroked his nose. “See? Not so bad, huh?”

  Adonis huffed and tossed his head some, but settled soon after. I removed the saddle and gave him a kiss. I rubbed and patted him for a moment before I placed the saddle back on him. I brought the girth around and buckled it at the loosest point before I went back to his head and rubbed his cheek. “Good boy.” I assured.

  I tightened th
e girth, hole by hole, and gave him positive praise at each point. “Let’s go for a walk now.” I undid his crossties, and walked him out of his stall. His gait was a bit unsure, but he followed me without question.

  I brought him into the main pasture and grabbed my three step mounting block. He stood calmly as I placed it to his left side. I bit my lip and said a silent prayer to anyone willing to listen before I started the process of mounting Adonis. I didn’t rush him. I started only by placing my upper body weight on his side and withers. I waited until I knew he was fully relaxed before I backed off and stood on the mounting block again. I praised him before doing it a second time, during which he calmed faster than the first time. I grinned, knowing he’d do just fine. I backed off him then placed my left foot in the stirrup, I kept my knee to his side as I placed my body weight almost fully in the saddle. I held myself there and breathed deeply until I felt him relax under me. I pulled my foot from the stirrup then stood on the block once more.

  “Alright. Here we go. You’re doing great Adonis.” I slid my foot back in the stirrup, grabbed his mane with my left hand and swung my right leg over. As my butt hit the saddle I held my breath. He shifted his weight under me but didn’t move. I released my breath and ran my hand along his neck.

  “Good boy Adonis.” I pulled my hand from his neck, grasped his reins and sat up. I squeezed my calves and urged him, “Walk on Adonis.” I clicked my tongue as I squeezed my calves again and he started to walk.

  “Yes! That’s a good boy Adonis.” I bit my lip against a smile that threatened to take over my face as well as any resemblance of calm assertiveness. I kept him at a steady walk while I consistently praised him.

  I felt firm in my seat and confident in his ability to listen and trust me so I urged him beyond a walk. I knew he had strength and speed, but as he blew past the trot I had asked for I was unprepared for the struggle to bring him back. He felt my loss of control on him and he gave a playful leap as he looped back through the pasture. And it was there, as I tried desperately to remain seated that I lost my bearings. Suddenly instead of locking my gaze on the pasture beyond between Adonis’ smooth, black ears my vision was filled with the clear, blue sky, then the tree line as I hit the ground. I only barely watched the black streak continue on.