Riana's Cavatina (Sonata of Love Book 2) Page 4

  The end of the school year had never gone so slowly for me before. Every day seemed to drag on more than the last. Until finally, I was released from my social prison and free to become a hermit for three months. That is, when I wasn’t tied up in court proceedings, therapy sessions with Mel, or psychiatry appointments. When I wasn’t messing with any of that, I was a solitary hermit. My mother hated it. Honestly, I was pretty sure she hated me, and the amount of drama I had brought into her administration.

  Lexi wouldn’t allow me to suffer in complete isolation though, she made a point to be with me almost every day. Sometimes we’d go down to the river a half mile from my house and veg out, other times she’d convince me to go to the movies, or shopping with her. When Lexi wasn’t with me, I remained locked in my house, snuggled up with Kona binge watching Mtv dramas.

  I often found myself feeling as though I was curling up within myself, locked away in a hardened cocoon. Few things brought me any kind of emotion. My life became a rerun of days participated in only in the way of auto-pilot. I became jumpy, easily startled, anxious, and quick to irritation; all symptoms, I learned, of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Mel kept working with me, even when I was certain there was no reason to; I had resigned to being broken for the rest of my life.

  Lexi and Mel kept me from the darkest of my depression, offering me experiences that despite the rest of the drama around my life, were worth it. Even if it was only a five minute laughing fit brought on by a ridiculous inside joke—I began to live for those five minutes. Series of moments that started to outweigh the heaviness of pain. The cycles of pain, numbness, rage, shame, and clarity became strung together with those small moments of joy and months started to pass at a steady rate. Time continued to move forward, even despite my perceived lack of progress in this “healing journey” as Mel called it. It didn’t seem like a journey at all, it felt like a contest of treading water. I never felt like I moved anywhere, only kept my head above water and remained alive though I often questioned the point.

  Somehow I survived not just days or weeks—but months that transitioned to years. Most of it remained foggy, but I tried my hardest to be normal, to do typical things that teenagers do, but the charade exhausted me.

  And then—the sound of heaven.

  You can’t stand aside

  You can’t run and hide

  You’re a warrior, with a warrior cry

  So stand up proud, so proud

  Don’t let the fear push you around

  You’re a warrior, with a warrior cry

  The silence screams

  Louder than your heart can take

  Dig in deeper

  Warrior cries are all it takes

  While Lexi and Mel kept a spark of life alive in me, these guys ignited a full-fledged raging fire. I burned, gasped, and burst through the surface of the well of depression that threatened to kill the passion of life in me. What awaited me beyond the surface that had muddied my view of the world, was a whole new realm filled with music, fun, daydreaming, and friends from five other continents. The horizons that grew in front of me were beyond anything I had ever imagined. My world exploded into what seemed to be endless possibilities.

  Movement Three

  As D.M.A.’s popularity soared throughout the world, the networking of their fan-base also expanded. The D.M.A. fan community was unique in that the fans were as vastly different as they were the same in the love held for the guys and their music. There was a plethora of online communities, forums, and websites that kept all the fans connected and in the loop as to what D.M.A. was currently up to. It was on one such fan forum that I met Samantha Vincent.

  I was drawn to Sam’s wit and smooth sarcasm. She was snarky, but brilliant. Quirky, but not overly weird. She was close to my age, only a year younger, and Canadian. Her distance from my physical location also meant that she didn’t know about what happened with Dylan. I was always thankful for an opportunity to form new friendships with those who hadn’t already decided whether or not I was a lying slut. I’d never known anyone from another country, and even though Canada was not exactly exotic, I was greatly intrigued by how things might be different there. As my relationship with Sam became more personal and intimate I decided the only downfall of our friendship was that we hadn’t met earlier. I was in my senior year of high school when we started chatting more outside of the forums. Even though part of her initial appeal was her naivety in regards to my history with sexual violence, her honest friendship soon inspired me to tell her about it. It surprisingly didn’t scare her away, in fact her response was one that happened infrequently—she told me it wasn’t my fault. The only person in my life that would ever rival the comfort I felt and love I had for Sam, was Lexi.

  I encouraged Lexi to also join that particular fan forum, so that I could selfishly have my two best friends in the same online community. While I understood that my friendships with both girls were independent and individual, I also wanted us to all be friends together. Thankfully Lexi and Sam hit it off as well and we became a trifecta of friendship. Many hours were spent inside, in front of glowing computer screens, IM’ing when we were supposed to be doing homework.

  MeMyselfandI: I can’t believe my mom is actually making me go see him.

  HaliFan: Seriously. He hasn’t seen you in what’d you say, 7yrs?

  MoveTheEarth: Your mom is being ridiculous.

  HaliFan: Though, I mean, he did give you a car.

  MeMyselfandI: I didn’t ask him to!

  MeMyselfandI: What am I supposed to do? Walk up to him be like, ‘hey, what’s up? Haven’t seen you since I was 10, but thanks for the car?’

  MoveTheEarth: I still don’t understand why he did that, but I freaking love that car

  HaliFan: I want to cruise in that car. Lex, you’re so lucky to be cruising with Ri all the time.

  MeMyselfandI: y’all better recognize haha!

  MeMyselfandI: I love that car too, but I dunno. I just don’t want to see him. Maybe I’m still holding on to a bunch of resentment but like, wtf, he runs away from being a father and thinks he can just show up randomly and give me expensive gifts and I’ll just forgive the fact that he didn’t want me? It’s bullshit.

  MeMyselfandI: My mom probably asked him to take me, y’know, since I’m such a damn handful.

  MoveTheEarth: You can always stay at my place.

  HaliFan: Hell, you should come to Halifax!

  MeMyselfandI: Both brilliant suggestions. =) I’ll see what I can do.

  HaliFan: Seriously? OMG, that’d be so sweet! Lex, what about you? Wanna come check out Canada?

  MoveTheEarth: Of course I do! However, I don’t think I can request a ton of time off since I just started at the group home three months ago. =(

  MeMyselfandI: Ugh, lame. I might just have to kidnap you from work. But for now let’s just keep our fingers crossed that I’ll be able to convince my mom that I shouldn’t have to go see him and instead I’ll hop a plane to see Sam. =)

  I wasn’t able to convince my mom of anything regarding me going to see Bill, my father. She maintained that if he wanted to see me that I needed to go. She was impossibly stubborn. While it undoubtedly frustrated the hell out of me, it was likely one of those traits that enhanced her ability to do her job as mayor—and a trait that my two best friends were absolutely certain I had inherited.

  About two months before I was to board a plane to visit my estranged father, he called my mom. Something had ‘come up’ and he wouldn’t be able to have me visit. I snorted and shook my head. Figures. I should have known he’d find some excuse not to see me.

  “Riana, your father would like to speak to you.”

  I rolled my eyes as I reached for the phone in my mom’s hand. “Hello.”

  “Hey, Sweet Pea.” I contained a groan. I hated that nickname. “I’m sorry about our plans, things got crazy with work.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “No. It’s not. Listen, I know that you had wanted to visi
t your friend up in Canada after graduation,” he started.

  “What? How do you know that?”

  “I just do, okay? Now, I’ve been able to change your airline ticket to fly you to Halifax. If you’d like.”

  The silence the lingered between us was tense. I wasn’t even sure how to respond. I was still a bit unnerved that he knew about my best friend in Halifax.

  “I’ll have to check with mom.” Was my slow and tentative response.

  “Of course.” He agreed. “I’m sorry again, Riana. We’ll get together soon. I’m proud of you.”

  “Right.” I chewed my lip. “Well, I have to go. Um, thanks, you know, for changing the ticket.” He promised it wasn’t a big deal and wished me a fun and safe trip. I hung up then tried to process. I was going to be able to meet Sam—in person, sooner than we ever thought. She was going to flip out!

  I hopped off my bed and flung my door open. “Come on Kona!” I called. My exuberant shaggy mutt ran towards me, wiggling in excitement.

  “Wanna go for a walk?” I asked. The wiggling turned into a jumping, whining, spinning fiasco until I clipped her leash on. I made sure that my phone was in my pocket and slid a pair of sunglasses on my face before stepping out of the house.

  Kona and I got about a block away before I texted Sam.

  “Hey, you free to take a call?”

  “But of course my dear!”

  We didn’t often get to talk, as the international rates were a bit ridiculous, so most of our chatting was via text or instant messaging. So when I would ask to actually talk Sam usually made sure she was available. She picked up on the first ring.

  “Ri!” She answered happily.

  “Sam.” My tone was even and serious. “You are never going to believe this.”

  “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  I laughed lightly. “Oh, I’m okay. More than okay. Let me ask though, you got any plans in a couple months?”

  “Um, no? I mean, I don’t typically plan things months in advance.” She laughed.

  “Would you be willing to home a lost and lonely American for a while?”

  “What?” I let the question sink in for a bit. “Are you serious, Ri?” Her voice became more excited. “Oh my God, tell me you’re serious!”

  “Oh, I’m serious.” I laughed. “My father just called to tell me that ‘something came up’ and I wouldn’t be able to go to see him. He did, however, offer to change the airline tickets so that I could fly out to see you.”

  “Bloody fucking hell Riana!” She practically screamed. “I have to consult the parental units, but I mean, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Oh my God! When would you be coming?”

  “If it works for y’all I guess I’d be flying out June 7th.”

  “I’m going to call you right back.”

  ***

  Lexi leaned up against the side of my bed as I laid on my stomach along the edge of it. “Look how Matt’s growing out his hair.” I said as I outstretched my arms and showed Lexi the latest article on D.M.A. “It’s so shaggy.”

  “Looks good though.” She pulled the magazine from my grasp. “You know what else looks good?”

  “Derek?” I teased.

  Despite her olive skin, her face flushed as she tried to blow me off. “Well, I mean, maybe.” She flipped a couple pages and admired their pictures. “Yeah. Derek’s looking damn good. Alex is coming into his own now lately, don’t ya think?”

  “Hmm…” I peeked over her shoulder. “Lex, he’s fifteen.”

  “He’s a beautiful fifteen year old—and he’s almost sixteen.”

  “But, Lex, he’s still only fifteen.” I laughed. She wasn’t wrong though, no matter how much I didn’t want to see it, Alex was filling out nicely—his shoulders had broadened out and his jawline had become more pronounced. He even had a bit of scruff in some of the candid photos. Puberty was treating Alex quite wonderfully, and anyone who said otherwise was clearly blind.

  “Oh my God Ri, look!” Lexi excitedly turned towards me and thrusted a picture of Matthew in my face. “He’s still wearing it!”

  I pulled the magazine from her and focused in upon the multitude of layers of necklaces around Matt’s neck. There, tight around the hollow of his throat, was what appeared to be a homemade beaded necklace much like the one I had sent him the previous December for his birthday. I felt the rapid thump of my heart against my chest and tried to convince myself that it didn’t mean anything—even if it was the necklace I made him. “We can’t say for sure that it’s the one I made.”

  “You know it is.”

  “Even if it is, he wears like eight thousand necklaces. Obviously they don’t have, you know, emotional significance.”

  “He’s probably like, madly in love with you.” Lexi wiggled her eyebrows at me then fell into a fit of giggles.

  Statements like that would get me and Lexi imagining a life we never dreamed would happen. We’d talk about leaving our small town behind to travel the world with them, and how awesome it would be to watch a concert from backstage.

  “Speaking of concerts,” Lexi started. “Their fall tour schedule is going to be announced soon!”

  “I swear I’m camping out for tickets.”

  “We won’t have to if it’s general admission.”

  “Ooh, valid point. Man, I hope they do general admission. Then we just have to camp out the night before the concert.”

  “You can’t be serious.” Lexi said as she turned and gave me a stern look.

  I stood and walked over to my radio. “Oh, I’m totally serious. I need front row, Lex. How could they ever fall madly in love with me if I don’t have front row?” I turned up the strong rhythmic beat of the newest pop princess’s song and danced around my room. “And you need to be with me. We’re camping out.”

  “You’re crazy.” Lexi laughed as she also stood and danced with me.

  “Don’t you forget it.”

  Before I could experience my first D.M.A. concert, I got to experience my first trip out of the country. It was my first time travelling alone, and my first time meeting someone that I had first “met” on the internet. Despite phone calls, video chats, endless private messages, there was still that anxious whisper in the back of my mind that reminded me of too many episodes of CSI and other countless shows on ID Discovery that warned of the dangers of meeting people from the internet.

  I kept my earbuds in through the duration of the flight, attempting to calm myself with the smooth sounds of the guys that brought Sam and I together. It was a bit outlandish, how a band could unite people across so many miles, across borders, and between languages. I smiled out the window as I thought of all the lives those guys changed without even knowing it.

  The sun dipped into the horizon as my plane descended into Halifax, Nova Scotia. I bit my lip and took a deep breath as I willed my hands to stop trembling. I pulled my carry-on down from the overhead bin and shuffled in line to the exit.

  As I exited the jetway I was first struck by the bilingual signs. I grinned and bit my lip, I truly was in a foreign country. I scanned the signage to figure out my path down to baggage claim but before I got too far I heard my name.

  “Riana!”

  My chest tightened in excitement as I turned to the sound of her voice—Sam’s voice. My gaze fell upon her as she bounced excitedly and then ran to me. My breath was knocked out of me as we met in a fierce hug.

  “Oh man, longest flight ever!” I laughed.

  “You hungry?” She asked as she grabbed my carry-on bag.

  I draped my arm over her shoulder. “Starving.”

  Down at baggage claim I met Sam’s dad and stepmom; Phil and Courtney. “See? Told you she wasn’t some middle age man.” Sam laughed.

  “You can never be too cautious.” Courtney said.

  “Absolutely.” I agreed.

  “I’m surprised your mother let you come all this way by yourself.” Phil said.

  “Yeah, a typical mom would be a bit apprehensive.
I guess I don’t have a typical mom.”

  “Well, we’re glad to have you.” Sam said as she squeezed me again.

  “And I’m glad to be here.”

  We gathered my bigger pieces of luggage then made our way out of the airport and to a local pizza chain—where I found out that in Canada they don’t call it ‘Canadian bacon’ it’s just ham to them. Samantha laughed so hard she snorted when I had asked for it. It took us at least ten minutes to regain composure so that we could finish placing our order.

  “Let me guess, you’re gonna ask for a pop now too aren’t you?” Sam giggled. I about lost it at how she said ‘pop.’

  “Yeah, you’d like that wouldn’t you?” I teased. “No, actually, I like soda.”

  “Oh, thank God. I’m not sure I could’ve handled two dialectical faux pas.”

  I turned to Phil, “Is she always so ruthless?”

  My summer with Sam refreshed and invigorated me. Canada turned out to be fairly similar to Minnesota, and yet the culture felt different. Sam loved to introduce me to her friends and mocked my accent, and I loved to watch the dynamics of her large family. Samantha was the second youngest of four, with two sets of parents since their divorce and subsequent remarriages. While the tension before the divorce had taken quite a toll on Sam, things seemed to have settled. If anything, my visit was a welcome distraction. Sam’s oldest brother Bryce had moved out the previous fall to start college. Her second older sibling, Jen lived with her mom and stepdad with her younger brother Cameron.

  Bryce came home four days into my stay. “I know y’all miss me, but did you really have to take in a stray?” He laughed and winked at me as he dropped his duffle bag at the door.