Disillusioned Love Page 6

  They found room 653 and noticed the red light was indeed on. Lexi also noticed Riana grasped her labret anxiously. “I’ll shoot Matt a message and let him know we’re here.” Lexi offered. Riana nodded. Before Lexi got a response back the light was off and the door was swung open. Matt greeted them in all his beautiful splendor. His smile was bright, and it accented the slight crow’s feet at the corner of his blue eyes.

  “Hey!” He greeted happily. “Come in! D was just finishing up.” He wrapped his arm around Riana as they entered and she gave him a tight side hug. D.M.A. had always been very open to sharing their studio experiences with fans via live streams, but being able to fully experience the studio gave those streams no justice. From the lighting to the faint scent of incense, there truly was something “magical” about it. Lexi and Riana attempted to take in as much as they could; the art on the walls, the scraps of paper littered about with lyrics and sketches on them, the endless coffee cups and the overstuffed furniture.

  “This is pretty sweet.” Riana commented as she plopped down in one of the overstuffed armchairs. She continued to scan the room, then unconsciously pursed her lips.

  “He’s getting snacks.” Matthew stated as he noticed the musing on Riana’s face. She blushed and felt exposed by her obvious search for Alex.

  Derek entered the main area of the studio from the recording section, he stared down at his guitar. “I don’t know Matt, seemed there was something missing. It should have a heavier groove or something…” He trailed off then finally looked up to find Riana and Lexi. “Ladies.” He commented as he gestured a grand bow. Lexi laughed and tipped her head towards him, thankful he was just as amusing in day to day life as he was for his fans.

  Chapter Six

  Speed Of Sound

  “Damn, Alex sure is taking his sweet time isn’t he?” Matthew observed after he and Derek had shown Riana and Lexi around a bit. “Ri, you want to come with me to look for him? Maybe we’ll stop and make sure we have enough coffee and other drinks to go with the snacks he brings.” Riana smiled, Matthew and his coffee. She forced herself out of the embrace of the comfortable suction of her chair. She gave one last grunt, stood up and laughed. “That chair is evil you know.” Matt teased with a chuckle.

  “I see that now.” Riana eyed the chair suspiciously. “Lexi, you cool to hang with D?” She knew the answer, but liked to poke a little fun every now and then.

  “Of course she is!” Derek answered before Lexi could. Lexi smiled brightly at Riana. Matthew opened the door and placed his hand on Riana’s lower back as he escorted her through. Something endlessly ate at him ever since their first night in Chicago. Matt figured this might be his only chance to get Riana alone, he knew once Alex got back she’d be all his.

  She was so familiar to him that night in the coffee shop, a comfort he felt he’d known forever. He couldn’t imagine it could be her, but the more he thought about it, the more it all clicked. The similarities between what he knew for certain was Riana’s story and the stories he’d been told nine years prior were too much to ignore. And her eyes; Matthew felt he’d know those eyes anywhere.

  “So you’ve been a fan for quite a while huh?” Matthew asked impassively.

  “Oh yeah, for sure.” She smiled. Matthew couldn’t help but grin at her undeniable Minnesotan accent. He knew there wouldn’t be many Riana Grahams out there, but it was imperative he knew for certain.

  “Since you were about fourteen right?” Her eyes quickly shot over to Matt and her footing faltered for a second, but she recovered quickly.

  “Assuming I was an original fan I see.” She teased. She silently hoped he wasn’t leading into what she feared he was. Despite her smile there was a deep apprehension behind her blue eyes.

  Matthew chuckled a bit in an attempt to ease the uneasiness that lurked in her eyes. “Well I was hoping!”

  Riana settled back into her stroll as they journeyed to the main level of the building to where a small shop was located. “Yeah, I’m an original.” She didn’t meet Matthew’s eyes. He figured he’d take a deep breath and jump right into it.

  “Those were some crazy years back then. Crazy fans. Sometimes, it was hard for us to find some resemblance of predictability, stability, or comfort.” He saw Riana nod yet she still avoided his eyes. “The guys helped of course, but I had something else for a little while too--”

  “Oh Matthew don’t tell me the drug rumors were true!” She taunted playfully.

  “No!” He laughed and nudged his shoulder into her. “I had this girl who wrote to me, like all the time. Only it wasn’t typical fan mail. She didn’t go on and on about how much she loved me or how she made her parents take her to ten of the shows on the last tour. She told me about her family, her dog, school, friends. She was funny and smart…” Riana didn’t look at Matthew or say anything so he quickly rambled on. “She was so alone though, lost and struggling. I never knew what to say to her, so I never wrote back. I always made sure to get her letters and packages though, somehow hoping she’d know or feel someone was listening to her. She was a genuine person, loving, compassionate, spunky though too.” Matthew smiled as he remembered the words that brought him into her world, her pain, her love, and her humor. Her letters were filled with life. “I still have this thing she gave me, years and years ago…”

  Matthew reached into his pocket, “It’s crazy; as it hasn’t fit in years,” He saw Riana’s eyes flick over to what was within his hand and heard a quiet, quick intake of breath. “But I still keep it with me, hoping she found her way, that she was able to embrace her life, find friendship, love and strength. She stopped writing after about three years or so.”

  He trailed off and Riana finally turned towards him with tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry I never wrote you back Ri.” She couldn’t hold them back. She choked on ragged breaths and tears fell as she threw herself into Matthew’s embrace. “I’m so sorry.” Matthew whispered again. Matthew felt his own tears break through as he let go of pain he had held on to for her. They held on to each other through a long and intense moment. Matthew smoothed Riana’s hair down as she buried her face in his chest as sobs continued to heave from her. Bystanders and patrons gawked at their tumultuous moment. Matthew and Riana had searched for that moment for almost a decade, they were unconcerned with anyone’s judgments.

  Finally, Matthew felt Riana take a deep breath and she pulled back to look at him. She wiped tears from her face. Matthew grabbed her wrists and brought her hands down between them. He opened one of her hands and placed the red and black beaded necklace she made him when he turned fifteen into it. “I don’t need to carry this with me anymore now that I know you’re okay. That you found your way, and your strength.” She lost the battle against more heart wrenching sobs; they broke through as she closed her hand around the necklace and nodded. “I think I knew, deep within me it was you that first night. People change over the years, but your eyes, your smile and your soul were all so familiar.” The fact was, Matthew was pretty sure it had been her over the years at concerts, glimpses of her he wanted to believe were real; moments that passed by too quickly to be caught.

  “I could never prove you read my letters, but you’re absolutely right, somehow I did feel I was being heard.” Riana sniffled and wiped the remnants of tears from her face. “And then, when I saw this on you,” She paused as she ran her fingers along the beads she had put together so many years ago. “even then I didn’t know for sure you were reading them, but I sure had hoped you were.” She smiled softly as she looked up at Matt. “The moment I saw you wearing it… It broke a depression I thought would never end. Seems dramatic I know, but I was sixteen, it was one of the biggest moments of my life at that point.” She admitted, then laughed a bit. She grasped her vertical labret ring under her teeth and churned the moment over in her mind.

  “Life plays out in mysterious ways Ri.” Matt maintained as he gazed at her. He felt terrible for having made her cry, but he was relieved to know it was
definitely her. “I’m just… I’m so happy our paths finally crossed. It’s my fault they didn’t cross sooner--”

  Riana quickly shook her head in disagreement and cut him off. “No. No, Matthew, our paths crossed exactly when they were supposed to. I needed to go through every atrocious thing I did to get where I am now, and you… you needed to find your way too. I needed that outlet for those three years, to write to someone without ever actually receiving a response. I needed to put the words out there and not get judgment, pity--anything in return.” Matthew admired her wisdom. “Everyone plays a role. I gave you a resemblance of predictability and you gave me a muse and comfort in the words I envisioned were written for me--or people like me; struggling and feeling alone. You, Derek and Alex gave me laughter and joy. And a dream that life could be better than the one I was living.” Matthew pulled her into his arms again.

  “Now you don’t need to dream, right? So many things have worked out for you.” Matthew asked as his chin rested on the crown of her head.

  Riana pulled back from Matthew’s embrace. “Life is definitely better than a dream now. Between finding true friendships, a career I love, a healing I worried would never come, and now this,” She motioned around her and smiled at Matt. “life is definitely good.”

  Matthew turned and placed his arm back over Riana’s shoulders. “So, what do you say about those drinks?” Riana laughed and made sure there were no final traces of her tears.

  As Alex pulled into the parking lot, he realized one of the unfortunate things about Riana being on tour was he had no idea what she might be driving; therefore he had no way to scan the lot to see if she and Lexi had arrived yet. He exited his car, proceeded to gather the bags upon bags of snacks then tried desperately not to drop them all as he shuffled to the building. He was thankful to see the light above the door wasn’t on so at least he wouldn’t have to stand there and continue his balancing act as he waited. He chewed his lip as he reached two fingers out to grasp the doorknob then thrust his foot inside the few inch gap. “You know, it would have been really helpful if, oh I don’t know, someone would have come with me.” He grumbled as he stumbled through the door, still careful not to drop anything.

  “Oh, but then who would have been here to greet us when we arrived?” Lexi teased as she lifted herself from the overstuffed couch. Alex couldn’t stop the full grin that crossed his face, no matter how ungodly awkward the bags were in his arms. Lexi came up next to him and grabbed a couple from his embrace.

  “Thanks dear!” Alex gushed as he dropped the last couple bags on the table then threw his arms around her. “How’d that track for ‘title pending’ lay down D?” Alex asked as he sank into the overstuffed chair next to the mixing board. Unlike Riana, he was well aware of the firm grasp the chair would soon have on him and he settled in happily.

  “I don’t know man, it’s good, but it’s missing just a little something.” Derek grumbled as he sat on the arm of Alex’s chair and plinked the guitar strings.

  “Wait! Derek, that’s it!” Lexi shouted from across the room where she explored the abundance of snacks. She turned away, with a bag of peanuts in her hand and hurried to the guys. “Do that again.” Derek twisted his brow a bit, thought back to what he had just done and gave his guitar another groovy tweak. “Ah, yes! It’s perfect! Get in there and lay that down right at the beginning.” Lexi pulled him off the arm of the chair and practically pushed him through the door to the recording area. Derek shook his head and laughed. He did as he was told and went in to lay Lexi’s brilliant new idea down.

  “Nice, Lex, very nice.” Alex complimented as he forced himself out of the chair to man the mixing board.

  Riana remained stunned from her moment with Matthew. There were no words to describe the overwhelming amount, and kinds, of emotions that engulfed her whole soul after Matt put the pieces together and broke her down. She probably would have ventured it brought her back to being a teenager; to when she felt so alone, and yearned for some connection to keep her going. There it was, that something. Someone who kept her going without knowing. Riana had thought she was an insignificant young lady nine years ago, but she had been immensely significant to him. It created a spine-tingling sensation within her.

  She ran the beaded necklace through her fingers and smiled to herself as she and Matthew approached the studio door. “He better be back by now, I’m positively wasting away.” Matthew proclaimed dramatically.

  Riana giggled at him and pushed him through the door. “You have got to be one of the most dramatic queens I have ever met!” Riana taunted. She was greeted by a deep belly laugh as they entered.

  There was Alex, his finger pointed at Matthew as he caught his breath through his laughter. “A queen!” He leaned over with his hands on his knees. “Oh dammit I wish I had that one on video!” Riana stood by the door and grinned at both of them. The dynamic between the two was relentless, but it was easy to see they wouldn’t have it any other way. Alex finally gathered himself, looked up and met Riana’s eyes. His deep, chocolate eyes held her there for a moment. The rest of the room faded into the background. Riana felt a flutter, a paused moment in her breath. She exhaled slowly and reminded herself to keep everything in check.

  “Hey sweetheart.” Alex purred just barely over a whisper as he ambled to Riana. Her eyes softened as her mind screamed out, So not helping Alexander! She smiled up at him, laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him.

  Riana couldn’t halt the deep breath she drew in through her nose. She hoped to permanently imprint his scent into her brain. “So you ready to make some magic?” Alex wiggled his eyebrows at her. She mentally shook her head; nope, no making magic. Not that kind of magic anyway.

  “You gonna show me what you got?” Riana

  provoked then mentally questioned why she felt the need to torture herself.

  “I have skills you wouldn’t believe.” Alex’s eyes turned the slightest bit steamy as he gazed down at Riana. She felt a flush run up her chest and neck, and she tried hopelessly to keep it from reaching her cheeks. Alex turned away from her and hollered, “MORE COWBELL!” Riana released a deep breath. Too close.

  Alex took a seat at the keyboard, with a snare and a cymbal next to it and began to tinker. “Ah, Alex, the one man band.” Derek laughed next to Riana.

  “Impressive” She smiled.

  Finally in a place where the hours didn’t matter, they completely lost track of time. When the guys jammed together Lexi and Riana simply watched and relished being able to witness something indeed magical. Some favorite moments were when they’d have a nice melody in their heads but no words, so they would sing it out note wise and play with words. Some of which were totally ridiculous. Riana and Lexi were amazed as they watched a song unfold from the beginning. There was plenty of banter back and forth, teasing and laughter. There was a delicate balance of intense creative work and goofy, offbeat moments that brought Lexi and Riana to the brink of tears.

  There was a moment, late in the night, Alex started to play on the piano with a tattered notebook by his side. The lyrics barely passed his lips but Riana was intimately aware of the underlying message. “She waits on the sideline...Just waiting...to be played….Pleading, breaking….Why won’t he call?...Pleading, breaking….She needs it all.” Riana watched Alex’s eyes flick over to her and she nervously grabbed her vertical labret between her teeth and thought surely it wasn’t as personal as it felt. “He won’t give in...She stays...He can’t love...She stays. ...She waits on the sideline.” She pleaded with her eyes to Alex. She didn’t want to think about it.

  Alex didn’t often voice his opinions of Ryan to Riana, as he knew she needed to come to terms on her own, but of course it didn’t mean he didn’t have opinions. Alex figured if he couldn’t say it directly to her for fear of causing some form of rift between them, surely he could put it to music. The song was rough, but when he noticed the look of panic on Riana’s face and the death grip she had on that piercing o
f hers; that sweet, feminine piercing that drew attention to her pouty lips, he knew that she knew. He frowned slightly when he saw her, his intention was not to make her feel badly. He only wished to get it out somehow; the deep annoyance he felt towards him. Along with the fact he knew if Ryan didn’t shape up and treat Riana the way she deserved, someone would come and show her what she was missing. Someone would show her what it was like to feel valued, loved and special. Ryan certainly didn’t make her feel that way. Riana felt lost and used when it came to him. She frequently called Alex, upset and confused. Alex despised how Ryan effectively crushed her time and time again.

  Despite how badly she wanted to continue to watch the “magic” happen, Riana’s eyes grew heavy and her vision blurred. She found comfort in the softness of the overstuffed chair and without realizing, slipped into sleep. Alex came out of recording to find her there, curled up like a cat. He smiled softly at her sleeping form. “She really didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Lexi whispered.

  “Oh, I know.” Alex turned towards Lexi. She had been going over lyrics with Derek on the couch. “She’s been so busy, we probably should have known better than to keep her so late.”

  “Nah, this is exactly how Ri would have wanted this night to end.” Lexi laughed as she handed Derek’s notebook back to him, got up and stretched. “I’ll drive the car back to the hotel, but um, could you maybe get her to the car for me?”

  Alex looked down at Riana again. “But then how will you get her to the room?” He pondered. “How about I get her to my car, follow you to the hotel and get her to bed?” Alex quickly saw the look on Derek’s face, but knew Derek wouldn’t actually say anything. Alex also saw Matt shoot Derek a quick, stern look.